Kansas, USA, Tuesday - To the large number of do it yourself manuals and guides which have been produced on a wide range of subjects, can be added a new publication, Teach Yourself Surgery, created to provide subscribers with the skills and knowledge needed to conduct minor surgical operations on themselves and on their families and friends.
After a few weeks of study, and following instructions in both a written form and on media such as DVD and computer software, readers can carry out procedures which require a Local Anaesthetic such as in-growing toenails, setting broken limbs and the removal of bullets and other foreign objects from the body. Having gained confidence, the student can then progress on to more difficult surgery which requires a General Anaesthetic such as appendix removal or some minor heart, lung and kidney work.
The publication, which comes in monthly parts, is accompanied by all the instruments needed to build a library of tools to enable the purchaser to carry out years of home surgery. Issue one comes with a scalpel for making incisions; issue two with a clamp and cotton wads and so on.
Publisher Max Bretton is convinced he has found a whole new DIY market which will attract a very large number of subscribers in a short space of time. "The home surgery market could be worth billions of dollars". "Given the current cost of some operations in hospitals and clinics and the amount which could be saved by the enterprising amateur surgeon performing surgery in their own neighbourhood, take up could be huge".
His predictions are proving to be well-founded. The kits started to go on sale at 9.00am on Monday 25th September and all branches of Wall-Mart were completely sold out by 11.00am nationwide. Other stores reported similar business. He has since promised that further supplies of the first edition were being flown in from Chicago for distribution and that the manufacturers who were producing the stainless steel instruments were working round the clock to meet the new orders.
PA
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Cherie Blair - what she really said - CCTV footage analysed
Manchester, England, Tuesday - Cherie Blair Q.C., wife of the British Prime Minister, was the centre of controversy today over remarks allegedly made yesterday during the speech of Chancellor of the Exchequer and leader in waiting, Gordon Brown. Friends rallied round and insisted that Cherie had said "I like his tie", rather than the reported "That's a lie" during a part of his speech which suggested that the two men were working well together. She is also alleged to have uttered the words "That's not true" in another part of the speech. "I like his shoes" is the version being offered by Ms Blair. However, analysis of CCTV footage from the conference lobby, tells the whole story.
Although the audio track is completely unusable because of the background noise in the busy area, a transcript produced by a consultant, skilled in the techniques of lip-reading, after hours of analysis, confirms Cherie Blair's version of events. In addition to the words attributed to her by her friends, which contradict those of the journalist who broke the story, she has also confirmed to have called Brown "The ultimate banker" and said that he is "Full of wit". The consultant, a Mr. Mandelson, insists that because he is a totally independent and disinterested witness, the transcript he has produced tells the true story and vindicates the Prime Minister's wife completely.
PA
Although the audio track is completely unusable because of the background noise in the busy area, a transcript produced by a consultant, skilled in the techniques of lip-reading, after hours of analysis, confirms Cherie Blair's version of events. In addition to the words attributed to her by her friends, which contradict those of the journalist who broke the story, she has also confirmed to have called Brown "The ultimate banker" and said that he is "Full of wit". The consultant, a Mr. Mandelson, insists that because he is a totally independent and disinterested witness, the transcript he has produced tells the true story and vindicates the Prime Minister's wife completely.
PA
Monday, September 04, 2006
The animals cried the day Steve died - Exclusive
Brisbane, Australia, Tuesday - "The animals cried the day Steve died" said animal trainer Pete Wilson this morning - see yesterday's News in Brief post. "Of course it's hard to tell underwater, but I swear that the stingray which killed Steve cried after it had dealt him the fatal blow". "I'll never forget the pitiful, soulful, look in that poor creature's eyes shortly before we bludgeoned it to death for what it had done to Steve". "Call me a sentimental old fool if you wish, but I'm sure that that stringray, of the family Daysyatidae, loved Steve just as much as we did, and it died with a deep sense of regret and guilt". Reports were being received that the stringray has been brought ashore and will be stuffed, before going on display in a Brisbane museum later in the year. "It's what Steve would had wanted" said a fan, who was inconsolable at Steve's loss.
PA
PA
Steve Irwin dies aged 44
Brisbane, Australia, Monday - Steve Irwin is dead - thousands of animal extras made redundant at a stroke.
The man who was passionate about wildlife and who constantly put his life on the line for his art, has finally met his match and succumbed to an attack from one of the cast. Pete Wilson, the man who trained animal extras for the show for the last twelve years announced that he is "devastated". In addition to the shock of the loss of Steve, Pete said "I am upset that thousands of crocodiles, alligators and deadly snakes will never work again. Some may end up being put down. Only a small percentage would be able to survive being released into the wild after years of being trained not to attack. Some of these guys have been with us since the beginning. All they know is how to act as if they are fierce without really hurting anybody. They are all big softies when you get right down to it. They would not last two minutes in the real world". Some of the animals will end up in zoos across Australia, but homes are sought for most of the others. "They are very good with children" Pete says, "and most would make good family pets. They just need the space to be able to spread out".
Asked if he blamed himself for Steve's death, Pete is cautious. "The stingray which caused Steve Irwin's death was not trained by me, but by one of my assistants whilst I was on holiday in France. I had warned Steve that I could not guarantee that the creature had been trained fully and understood the rules".
PA
The man who was passionate about wildlife and who constantly put his life on the line for his art, has finally met his match and succumbed to an attack from one of the cast. Pete Wilson, the man who trained animal extras for the show for the last twelve years announced that he is "devastated". In addition to the shock of the loss of Steve, Pete said "I am upset that thousands of crocodiles, alligators and deadly snakes will never work again. Some may end up being put down. Only a small percentage would be able to survive being released into the wild after years of being trained not to attack. Some of these guys have been with us since the beginning. All they know is how to act as if they are fierce without really hurting anybody. They are all big softies when you get right down to it. They would not last two minutes in the real world". Some of the animals will end up in zoos across Australia, but homes are sought for most of the others. "They are very good with children" Pete says, "and most would make good family pets. They just need the space to be able to spread out".
Asked if he blamed himself for Steve's death, Pete is cautious. "The stingray which caused Steve Irwin's death was not trained by me, but by one of my assistants whilst I was on holiday in France. I had warned Steve that I could not guarantee that the creature had been trained fully and understood the rules".
PA
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