Sunday - London. Following the recent discovery of a body in the Solar System bigger than Pluto, a conference has been organised to search for a definition of a planet which can be accepted once and for all and against which all structures can be measured. Scientists have come up with a definition which has now been ratified by all participants.
New rules governing the characteristics of planets indicate that "Any body which has sufficient gravitational pull to form the shape of a sphere, can be classified as a planet".
Following receipt of the above definition, a Parliamentary Committee has been formed to determine whether or not the Deputy Prime Minister can be classified as a planet given that he seems to meet all the essential criteria. The remit of the cross-party committee is either to classify the DPM as a planet using the definition above, or to accept the recommendation of the Prime Minister, Tony Blair, who has always claimed that Mr. Prescott is "A complete and utter Star".
The Chair of the committee, Alistair Burt M.P., announced that, although he did not want to anticipate or forecast the findings of the committee, "Most of the ingredients seem to be in place". "He is definitely spherical in shape". In addition, he is full of gas, overheats from time to time and is inhospitable in the extreme, in common with many planets". Following a period of consultation, a Green Paper is due in the Autumn.
PA
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