Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott loses Jags

Labour's second in command, John Prescott has announced that his trade mark Jaguar cars are to be to be mothballed. Going too are the are the second, third and fourth homes in London, Hull and the continent. "To be frank, I could do with the exercise" says Prescott, who famously has used the cars repeatedly for journeys of less than 200 yards. In a 22,000 word statement, issued earlier today, the Deputy Prime Minister claims that he made the decision after becoming aware of, and studying, a political philosophy which is called "Socialism". Speculation is rife that Mr. Prescott has been a closet "Socialist" for some time now and that this is just the first manifestation of his desire to become a member of the previously forgotton political movement. Already, there have been calls from Cabinet colleagues for his resignation should he continue to persue his interest in Socialism. "There is no place in the modern Labour Party for out-moded and irrelevant left wing thinking" said one.